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| Monday, November 9th, 2009 | | 6:39 am |
something ain't right...
Ugh, turns out I haven't been logged in for weeks, and only noticed it now, so I was missing all yallses locked posts. That's what you get for trying to protect your privacy on the internet, all you post-lockers you. Anyway, this was written about September: Over the space of about two weeks, half a dozen people who had just met me commented that I seem sad and tense. To which my initial reaction was "go fuck yourself", but by the fourth or fifth time I was wondering whether it was their being out of line or whether it was my being irritable. Now, if any of you, my dear LJ readers, told me that I looked out of sorts and inquired about my well-being, I would appreciate your concern. But when a person who's known me for about ten minutes says that he senses "an inner sadness" in me that I am "trying to cover up by smiling" and shares his advice about "turning that frown upside down" or about holding my shoulders in a way that evinces less stress, that strikes me as intrusive and manipulative. Intrusive because he's trying to read my mind and analyze me. Manipulative because it seems he's trying to get a particular kind of response from me - one where I open up to his suggestions. And it's not even a matter of justifying my feelings, because if I actually talk about whatever problems might be bothering me, these people seem bored and dismissive. It's not that they're asking "what's wrong? is something bothering you?" but rather "what's wrong with you? why can't you control yourself better?" To which my default answer is "I guess my brain chemistry just isn't up to par! Oh noes! (And also, why don't you go fuck yourself?)" And I posted it after being annoyed in a different way today and yesterday (8-9 Nov): Strangers telling me I need to stand up straight. Yesterday my reaction was once again a straight-up "Go fuck yourself". Today it was said by the hostess of a party I was attending, so after considering fleeing, I just sat there and wallowed in the "OMG, why am I not working really hard to improve myself" pit for hours. No seriously. Yall know me better than these people do. I trust yall to not have ulterior motives. So you get to tell me in a poll! Poll #1482857 A Better Svetlana
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8 Which of the following improvements do you support? | | Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | | 7:49 pm |
it's that time again - rooms available
Three rooms in College Park for about $400-$500 each. One of them is huge. The mentally ill roommate and two other roommates moved out. Leaving me, Ramsey and Cypher (a couple), and James (a student). And our landlord has decided that if we don't find new roommates ASAP, then we all have to move out. 5001 Odessa Road College Park, MD 20740 It's a 15-20 minutes walk to Greenbelt metro. Less than a minute drive to the intersection of 95 and 495. Lots of street parking, washer/dryer, internet, Rock Band!... | | Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 | | 10:11 am |
the shoe's on the other foot
So one of my roommates is psychotic. This guy was committed to a mental hospital by his parents last month, has had a few weird moments since getting out, and yesterday proceeded to make statements including "August 6, 2012. That's the date" (apropos of nothing) "Can't tell you who she is though" (apropos of nothing) "Celebrities are involved" "You'll all be glad you met me" and when asked about his cough remarked "Oh it's her, she's making me sick again. You already know who it is." And here's his twitter, which I only found after the fact: http://twitter.com/NicolaeCarpathi# And then the world will know. Who is the next Barack Obama.4:16 AM Aug 6th from web # And then the world will know.4:16 AM Aug 6th from web # But Andrew Stephen Felker will rise again. He will save Harvard Law School from Barack Obama's soon to be failed presidency.4:15 AM Aug 6th from web # i failed.4:15 AM Aug 6th from web # preparing to destroy the world in two minutes. with luck, i will fail.4:14 AM Aug 6th from web Some of my roommates were also getting creeped out. Their plan was to wait until business hours, call the landlord, ask for the guy's parents' phone number, and call them for help. My plan was to call the landlord immediately, and then following no response (plus assuming the landlord doesn't know the parents' phone number either) to put all my stuff in the car and then call non-emergency county services and ask them for help persuading the guy to get help. Big mistake. Apparently their first step is to come into the house guns blazing and say to the crazy dude "Hey, SVETLANA here has been worried about you." Way to let him know who called the fuzz on him. Then he denies being on meds and accuses me of projecting my craziness on to him. Eventually owns up to the meds...but of course - and I should really have known this - since he's not been violent to himself or others, the emergency guys can't make him take his meds, can't make him call his parents, and can't do anything. Except scold me for showing intolerance towards nonviolent mentally ill people. Seriously, as I was walking out of the house to get into my car and gtfo, one of them said to me "Millions of people live with schizophrenia every day. He's done nothing to you." Yeaaah...thanks EMT/police dude! And how about you read up on what Lithium is, being a medical professional and all. And, BTW, I didn't just call emergency to keep myself safe - I had all my stuff packed to leave before I called. It's actually something that I wish my roommates have had done for me instead of just walking away. To top it off, the same roommates who were like "Shit, this dude's making us feel unsafe" the moment before I called emergency services suddenly became really quiet and seemed to put not-being-a-snitch at the top of their agenda when the cavalry actually arrived, making it my word against his essentially. Now I am at my parents' house with all of my stuff. I'm overreacting, right? We should just all live together like a big happy family of people with varying levels of grasps on reality... No seriously, though, I hope the landlord sees it differently, and it's not just a repeat of last night. Poll #1452231 Overreacting?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15 My reactions were ( Read more... ) | | Friday, August 7th, 2009 | | 2:58 pm |
learning to drive stick is incredibly fun! is there anything else like it?
Yesterday I had a lesson in driving a stick shift. Apparently I did marvelously well, reaching third gear in my first(ish) lesson and stalling only twice in two hours, and even that only while starting uphill. But more importantly, I loved the process of being confused about the theoretical basis of it while having to concentrate on something physical, and being threatened with disastrous consequences if I messed up. The combination of focus and adrenalin was amazing! Exhausting, too. It was way better than sex. How can I feel this way more often? Various extreme sports that involve high speeds come to mind, but I really hate the idea of getting injured...dancing lacks the danger element, yoga failed to make me feel this way for years, martial arts involve attacking people...Although recently I discovered that I enjoy friendly wrestling, which I regarded as weird and annoying all my life, I imagine that real wrestling is nothing like that. Perhaps I am a much more physical person than I've previously thought, but I don't know how to pursue it further. I guess I want to feel fear, but not actually get hurt... Any suggestions? | | Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 | | 12:24 am |
i'm back from Madrid
The post-Madrid blues aren't hitting me quite yet...but still my current plan is to apply for a 12-month residency visa in Spain, and in the meantime perhaps give the US one last chance to prove itself by living in downtown Manhattan, if I can wrap my head around the logistics of that. Although when I lived in Williamsburg, which is pretty damn close, I felt I wasn't fully taking advantage of it...But the suburbs, be they in Brooklyn or in College Park, just aren't entertaining enough anymore. Perhaps the only difference between Spain and the US is that over there I can afford to live in the center of the city...Sorry to whine so much like a spoiled brat, but coming back here last year really sucked, and I want to avoid feeling that way again. In other news, apparently my College Park room no longer floods every time it rains, the way it had been doing for the last four months. Hey, next thing you know, the room in Brooklyn might have electricity or something. | | Sunday, July 12th, 2009 | | 2:44 pm |
i meant to say something earlier...
So for a few months now I've been lurking. That is, reading without commenting. Sorry :( I'll try to improve on that. I failed to mention that I went to Madrid after all. I came here June 1st, purposely missed my return flight on July 1st, and am now here indefinitely (well, either until I get called back to the US, or until I have to pay rent again August 1st, or until my European tourist visa expires September 1st.) My US phone is totally totally broken and I seem to have gotten a number of text messages that I have no way of viewing, so if yours is one of those, I'm not ignoring you, it's the phone's fault :( you can leave me voicemail or email this ID at yahoo :P Anyway, I'll post an update when I get back. Yeah I know that according to the results of the previous poll I should have gone to London...this doesn't mean I don't value your advice; I just didn't have the nerve to deal with a new place. | | Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 | | 7:49 am |
Once again, the summer is here and I don't have to be around for a while. So, why not thrust myself into yet another unfamiliar stressful environment and see how freaked out and depressed it'll make me this time around! Poll #1406437 where to?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9 a month in: Also, i was way too half-assed to make any birthday plan. (I really thought I'd be out of the country by this point, but I'm still here, dammit.) In spite of my lack of planning, the birthday still arrived...so come over to my house and we'll build towers out of legos together. Except I don't have any legos, so bring them with you. Also my room flooded again so we can't have sex in there, sorry.(Whoa, shouldn't have told you that, there goes any motivation you might have had to actually come over here.) Seriously though, apparently one of my roommates is going to make a cake. Anyway if you're at all interested in coming over or celebrating elsewise take the poll or leave a comment, I'll check them when I wake up on the couch in the late afternoon, and then, seeing the emptiness, drown my sorrow in an ill-conceived internet dating encounter. Poll #1406443 tonight
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4 let's meet up somewhere | | 6:59 am |
| | Monday, January 26th, 2009 | | 1:41 am |
| | Monday, December 22nd, 2008 | | 4:47 am |
Four rooms in College Park for about $400-$500 each
Our evil roommate is officially moving out, and now it's just me, Radha, and four empty rooms. 5001 Odessa Road College Park, MD 20740 It's a 15-20 minutes walk to Greenbelt metro. Less than a minute drive to the intersection of 95 and 495. Lots of street parking, washer/dryer, cable... | | Thursday, August 21st, 2008 | | 3:11 pm |
post-Madrid syndrome; SpaWorld!
Whereas in Madrid all I did was to go out all the time, now that I'm back I feel like I just want to sit at home and work on my projects (improving in singing, Hebrew, Spanish, and linguistics), with the help of various websites and gadgets. I'm not sure whether to give in to this mood or to consider it unhealthily antisocial and try to go out in spite of myself. Paradoxically, I simultaneously want to recapture the Madrid mystique, without having to fly there again. Where is that US city where, when you walk out into the street or other public place, you see people randomly singing and dancing, and someone hands you a beer? Poll #1245944 Madrid-like cities in the U.S.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9 Where is the next Madrid? For a completely different world that is neither Madrid nor U.S., I have recently discovered SpaWorld in Centreville, VA. It is one of the three largest Korean bathhouses in the U.S., constructed at a cost of 15 million dollars, and features ( Read more... ) http://www.spaworldusa.com/ | | Friday, August 8th, 2008 | | 1:19 am |
new address in DC
5001 Odessa Rd College Park, MD 20740 Still got the place in NYC available, not sure about when I'll phase it out. | | Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 | | 3:42 am |
party - good, communist - bad
Well, after getting my connectivity and food needs met, and somewhat getting over the constant touching, I started to like this place a whole lot better. In fact, I have completely fallen in love with the street life, and rather spoiled in that I pretty much expect people to be partying in the street at all hours, so much that I'm not sure how I'll readjust to the United States. Last night was the best one so far - dozens of people dancing until dawn to an improv jam session of flute, drums and guitar. ( Read more... )(The atmosphere of festive shiftlessness may be due to the fact that I live in Lavapies, which is considered by everyone to be the worst, ghettoest neighborghood of Madrid.) At this point, my top peeve about this place is how much people here hate capitalism as practiced in the United States. ( Read more... ) when they say that they don't like how in America people work really hard, work a lot of hours, and consume a lot, I just want to shake them. So, to summarize, tomorrow I am returning to a place of less partying and more capitalism! | | Thursday, July 31st, 2008 | | 12:04 am |
in order of likelihood of future regret
This place is still being pretty trippy. I'm going to stay here an extra week and run out the full 30 days I have in an effort to figure it out...meaning I'll miss Assateague. In further flakiness: I got a new name here: "Esve"! I really like it! I want to keep it! Or maybe "Esvi" would be easier to explain in the United States. But I like "Esve" better. This would just be for new people meeting me, kind of like when I tried to overhaul from "Lana" to "Svetlana". It's time for a poll: Poll #1232605 Name options
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7 Well? In other horrible decisions, I want to get a tattoo. Of a fetal skeleton. On my belly. On one hand I realize this is a really bad idea; on the other hand I am absolutely in love with the image. When I saw it on someone's T-shirt I craved a tattoo for the first time in my life. That was two weeks ago, and I still want it :/ Yes, that doesn't mean I'll want it for the next 80 years. For some reason I got this notion it'll be one of those that age well - every wrinkle and sag I get will emphasize the message of mortality. OK, stop rolling your eyes and verbalize your feelings of disapproval. | | Thursday, July 17th, 2008 | | 10:09 pm |
my inner yankee triumphs over my inner Gogol Bordello
Now I realize how comfortably US-like Chile and Israel were. Here I feel like a horrendous yankee gringa. In good news, before coming here, I thought that the US was doomed and that the euro was going to kick the dollar's ass. Now, looking at this freakshow up close, I have faith that the good ole US of A will triumph over this mess. To sum up the culture shock, I will describe my first encounter with Madrid. Awakening from my first post-flight nap at 2 A.M., I venture out of the hostel to find something to eat. There is nothing, nothing edible in sight. I start asking passerbys...and suddenly see a group of people, two playing guitars, them and two more singing, about a dozen dancing. Just so, in the middle of the street. One of the ladies, who looks like she's past 60, grabs me by the arm, gives me a sip of her beer, and starts whirling me about in a dance. ( Read more... )In summary, here's what I want to say to these people: put down your guitar/beer/joint for just a minute and make me some fries/sell me a phone/install my internet, please! And quit effing touching me. Yes, I realize this makes me sound like a totally cranky, grumpy, unfun bitch. Gogol Bordello would be deeply ashamed of me. | | Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 | | 7:23 pm |
The appropriately numbered FAQ #69 of LJ
States that "You can neither add a new poll to an existing entry nor edit a poll after it has been added to an entry" So, I'm creating the obligatory poem poll here Poll #1220633 Obligatory poem poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6 It's that time again | | 6:22 pm |
a surprise Gogol Bordello appearance on the way to Madrid inspires more poetry
WTF, I thought I'd never see any of these people again, but by sheer coincidence I just shared the flight on the NYC-Dublin leg of my Washington-Madrid junket with a third of the band and crew (the one I was into wasn't there though). They were going NYC-Lisbon. What the heck were the chances of our schedules coinciding like that? Damn...just when I thought I was through with this band, something this unlikely and random happens. Out of all the international flights in the world, they had to walk into mine. Homer: "It's a sign! It's an omen!" Bart: "It's a coincidence, Dad." This experience, however, has inspired me to write yet another poem. Thanks, entropicalia and co, for giving me the idea to buy this thing. I got a new toy the other day, The kind you don't talk about. I got a new toy the other day, I wanted to try it out. ( Read more... )This attitude might not get me far, if there's more to life than this: New toy, new car, or new guitar, And someone to try it with. Due to some LJ quirk I haven't been able to figure out, the poll for this poem is in the next entry. | | Monday, July 7th, 2008 | | 7:52 pm |
better two weeks late than never
Finally, bought my ticket to Madrid today, leaving tomorrow. Definitely coming back within 30 days leaving of US, by Aug 7. Very very likely coming back sometime before the Assateague camping August 1. Perhaps coming back before Solnyshko music festival July 25. If things suck, coming back as soon as my friend from Chile leaves Madrid July 16. This trip should definitely go better than the last one, since it can't possibly go worse. Also, I finally paid those roommates that were slow in replacing me, in full, for what I owed them. Go me! | | Friday, June 27th, 2008 | | 1:38 pm |
| | Friday, May 30th, 2008 | | 5:18 pm |
finally back in the states...and about to drive to upstate NY
That's right, I made it out of Tel Aviv, via a stopover in Istanbul, and am currently in my apartment in Brooklyn, repacking my stuff because I'm about to drive to upstate New York for the Echo Russian music festival. Hopefully the sleep I got on the flight will get me through a nonstop weekend of camping, music, and hanging out. Then Monday (or whenever I wake up) I'll head south to DC and Baltimore land. Unrelated: written Turkish creeps me out. It just seems that such non-Latin words should *not* be spelled with Latin characters. Or perhaps just the whole cosmopolitan port-city feel of the Istanbul airport is too European for my Americanized tastes. |
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